


All Falls Down

by xxjljxx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Minor Injuries, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22358791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxjljxx/pseuds/xxjljxx
Summary: Oikawa Tooru thought switching schools and getting away from volleyball would solve all of his problems. At his new school, he didn't have to think about his ex boyfriend or volleyball at all. Unfortunately, those plans come crashing down when Iwaizumi Hajime comes back into his life. With the help of his socially inept roommate with relationship issues of his own and fate, he soon learns running away isn't all that simple.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 141





	1. Mayhem

**Author's Note:**

> My discord group was discussing Oikawa and Kenma being roommates and I decided to actually write the plan I had made a long time ago. I know that it wouldn't actually work, but I do like the thought of Kenma and Oikawa being friends.

Oikawa Tooru opened the door to his new dorm room and peered inside. Being a transfer student meant that he had to take what they had available at the time of his transfer. At first, he hadn’t been thrilled about it, but he also didn’t have many options either. It was the dorms or try to find an apartment to live in. Fortunately, a student had dropped out the previous week, which meant he had arrived just in time for an opening. Unfortunately, it also meant he had a roommate. The thought of sharing a room wasn’t appealing to him. They could be messy and unorganized. But he had no choice. There had been an option to opt out of a roommate once upon a time, but he had arrived too late to chose that one. As he walked in, he took note of his roommate’s side. There was a small television that sat in front of the unmade bed in the corner. Surrounding it, were multiple game systems. There was a PlayStation, Oikawa wasn’t sure what kind, but he had recognized the symbol and a GameCube in sight. Taking a closer look, he noticed various other systems. So his roommate liked videogames. A lot. He huffed, unapproving. They were in college, not high school. How would his roommate even find the time to play all these systems? He also noted a laptop on desk side table near his roommate’s bed. His roommate, however, was no where to be seen. He must have still been in class. One look at Oikawa's watch told him it was nearing five in the evening, so it was still possible.

Satisfied with what he gathered on his roommate, Oikawa got to work unpacking his things. Unlike his roommate, who didn’t seem to have any kind of organization skills, everything Oikawa touched had a place. Once was satisfied, he laid down on his bed. His first class wasn’t until the next day. He had chosen to come a day ahead to settle in and then start on the stress of the new school. Moving all of his stuff had taken a lot of energy from him and the throb in his knee told him that he had also over exerted himself. Without realizing, his eyes closed and his breathing evened out. It wasn’t until there was a click of the lock and the door swinging open that he was even aware he had fallen asleep. When he sat up, he was face to face with a pair of golden eyes. Cat eyes, he noted.  
The boy that walked in didn’t sat anything as he crossed to the other side of the room. He stared at Oikawa and he felt his frustration. This had to be his roommate. So why wasn’t he saying anything? The boy’s golden eyes stared him down, like he was monitoring his every movement. He was sizing him up it seemed, which was fine to Oikawa since he was doing the same to him. Black and blond hair fell into the boy’s face and he tucked a piece of it behind his ear. At one point, the hair had been bleached, but it seemed as though he hadn’t taken care of it for awhile. The hair was long, reaching the boy’s shoulders and he seemed to use it as some sort of shield. As Oikawa continued looking him over, he noticed that the boy was wearing a black hoodie three sizes too big for him and a pair of red sweatpants that had something Oikawa couldn’t read written on the side of them. He didn’t look like a college student. He just looked homeless. After a moment, he still hasn’t spoken, so Oikawa took it upon himself to start the introductions. 

“I’m assuming they told you that you have a new roommate?” he asked, trying to keep his irritation out of his voice. The boy nodded, but still didn’t say anything. Now Oikawa huffed. “I’m Oikawa Tooru. I’ll be your new roommate from here until the end of the year.” 

“Tooru,” the boy said, voice soft. It was like he was experimenting with the name. Oikawa waited until he was satisfied and then those cat eyes turned on him again. “Kenma Kozume.” It took Oikawa a moment to realize that the boy was telling him his name. He had also spoken soft enough to where Oikawa had almost missed the introduction completely. Damn that brief nap. It had messed with his brain. 

“Well, Kozume-san, I-“

“Kenma,” his roommate stated, still in a quiet voice. Oikawa raised an eyebrow. 

“What?” he asked. Kenma sighed heavily, looking like he’d rather crawl up and die instead of repeating himself. 

“Kenma. I’m just… Kenma. Kozume-san is too formal and I don’t like it,” he replied, half glaring at Oikawa, who grinned.

“Well, Ken-chan, I see that you’re a gamer and don’t care too much about the mess you leave on your side. As long as it doesn’t cross over to my side, I don’t care if you look like you live in a zoo. Make sure any mess you make is on your side. Also, don’t keep me up all night playing games. A guy like me needs his beauty sleep after all,” Oikawa said, brightly. At his words, Kenma made a face that showed him exactly what he thought of it all. It was scrunched up and definitely not attractive. Oikawa laughed at it. “Don’t make that face at me. If we’re going to live together for however long we do, we need to be on the same page.”

“Don’t call me Ken-chan. Also whatever mess I make, I’ll clean it up. I’m not some kind of slob. And don’t worry about me keeping you up with my game playing. I’ve been playing games and keeping it so my parents couldn’t hear for a long time. I won’t mess up your beauty sleep,” Kenma stated. Oikawa blinked. During his whole speech, Kenma's voice hadn't raised at all. It was still the same monotone it had been when he had introduced himself. If it wasn’t for the sneer in his voice, Oikawa would have never known the boy was angry at all. Satisfied with their talk, Kenma sat on his bed, pulled out headphones and a handheld gaming system, and began to play, ignoring Oikawa entirely. 

“Well. That went great,” Oikawa muttered, laying back on his own bed. For a moment he considered picking up his phone and texting Iwaizumi, but hesitated. It had been awhile since the urge to text Iwaizumi had been there. After their last meeting, it has taken some time, but Oikawa had thought he was finally over him. Months had passed since the last time he’d even considered messaging him. It wasn’t even as though their last meeting had been bad. They had broke it off amicably and then gone their separate ways. Being together just hadn’t been right for them at the time. It didn’t make it hurt any less, but Oikawa was sure that by now he would have gotten over it. He huffed and pushed the thought of Iwaizumi out of his mind. His heart hurt and he curled up on the bed. He closed his eyes, hoping the he could go to sleep and just not remember. After today, he would no longer have time to mourn the lost love that he thought about every now and then.

“Tooru?” a soft voice asked. It had to have been Kenma. There was no one else around. He turned a little to face his roommate, who gave him an odd look. It was only until he noted the slight concern in the other’s face to see that he had been close to crying. Had Kenma noticed it before or had it only been until he had turned around? Had he been making noise and if so, how had Kenma heard it through his headphones?

“What?” he snapped, taking his frustration out on him. It wasn’t Kenma’s fault and it wasn’t fair Oikawa knew, but he was just so frustrated by everything at that moment. Here he was trying to start over and stupid Iwaizumi had just crossed his mind. Since he couldn’t take it out on him, he had turned on the only person around him. At his tone, Kenma hesitated a moment. His mouth hung open and his eyes were big. 

“Nothing,” he mumbled and then went back to his game. Oikawa sighed. He had scared him, he realized. Kenma must not have liked harsh tones. Of course it made sense, given his timid demeanor. Timid until you made him angry, Oikawa concluded. Briefly, Oikawa wondered if something had happened where Kenma didn’t like harsh tones or if he was just naturally that way. Still, there wasn’t anything he could do to make it up to him until he got his frustration under control. Apologizing was out of the question at the moment. Even though Oikawa knew he was in the wrong, he just couldn’t form the words to express it. He was also sure Kenma wouldn’t accept the apology anyway. Instead, he turned to look at the wall and went back to sleep.


	2. Beautiful Disguise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa finds out a secret about his roommate and has questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long for me to update. Word deleted it twice and I had to ask for help.

As soon as the sun was up, so was Oikawa. Even though he no longer played volleyball, he still wanted to stay in shape and get running in when his knee allowed it. When he had managed to injure himself more, running had been off limits Now that he was feeling a little better, he enjoyed getting the exercise. While he was getting dressed, he looked over at the other bed. Kenma was still there, curled up under at least three blankets. Within the last week, neither of them spoke to each other much. Oikawa knew that he needed to apologize, but stubbornness and pride kept him from doing so. For the most part, it seemed as though they had two different schedules. When Oikawa got up, Kenma was still asleep and stayed that way until Oikawa went to his first class. His roommate was usually gone when he returned from class and did his homework. By the time Kenma seemed to get home, Oikawa was long asleep. He was sure that Kenma didn’t exactly have class that long and that he was avoiding being in the same room as him, but there wasn’t much he could say or do. The damage had been done and eventually Oikawa would fix it.

Oikawa found a route that suited him best and he stuck to it for the week. By the time he was done, his injured knee throbbed in protest, but he did his best to ignore it. His route took him away from the gym where he knew there was volleyball practice in the mornings. The first day, he had heard the sound of the balls hitting the floor and the calls from the players inside. It had twisted his heart to hear it, so he changed it up and never went close to the gym afterwards. The route was also a little out of the way from his dorm, but it had been worth it to not hear the sound of the game he once loved. After he was done, he took himself back to his dorm, hoping to ice up his knee before he had to go to his first class. With the thought of temporary relief in mind, Oikawa opened the door and then froze. Kenma was awake, for once, and was in the middle of changing. Shirtless, Kenma turned sharply and then a blush crossed his face. The two stared at each other for a moment. Oikawa’s eyes drifted to the other’s chest and stayed there.

“Get out,” Kenma’s soft voice snapped. It held no emotion, but he could tell his roommate wasn’t happy. Oikawa blinked, but walked back out and closed the door behind him. Kenma had been shirtless, which usually wasn’t a problem for Oikawa. Being a volleyball player meant spending a lot of time in a locker room with shirtless boys. The problem was, Kenma had been more top heavy than any of the other boy’s he’d seen. After a moment, Kenma opened the door again and motioned for him to come in. Oikawa followed him and then sat on his bed. He did his best to look away, but his eyes drifted over Kenma’s now dressed form. The hoodie that Kenma usually wore covered his chest and made Oikawa wonder if he had been imagining the whole thing. Kenma was quite and fidgety. The quiet wasn’t uncommon for the smaller boy, but Oikawa wasn’t used to seeing him fidget. “I’m not a girl.”

“Okay… Then what are you?” Oikawa asked, knowing right away that hadn’t been the right thing to ask. Kenma frowned at him and he back tracked. “I mean, what do you identify as.” That seemed to appease his roommate a little and he huffed. 

“I still identify as a boy. I am a boy. I just… I don’t really look like one with my clothes off,” Kenma mumbled. Oikawa nodded, but didn’t say anything because he knew if he agreed, he would be insensitive and that was the last thing he wanted right now. 

“So why do you have the long hair?” he asked. Kenma shot him another dirty look, which made him try to backtrack again. “I mean, don’t most trans men chop off all their hair after they come out to look more masculine?” That made Kenma roll his eyes. Damn his mouth. If he kept it up, his roommate would be throwing him out and he wouldn’t exactly blame him. 

“Most do… But I like my hair. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this or not, but I don’t like attention. I don’t like when people look at me. Having long hair means that when all the attention gets to much for me, I can cover my face with it,” Kenma stated, tugging at a brown and blond lock. Oikawa could tell that he was thinking of covering his face, but he didn’t. For someone as anxious as Kenma seemed to be, that took a lot of strength. 

“You’re not very top heavy. That’s a good thing, right?” Oikawa asked. Kenma glared at him, so he quickly changed the subject. “Is that why you wear all the baggy clothes? To you know, cover it up?”

“I might not be top heavy, but dysphoria is dysphoria regardless of what kind of chest I might have,” he snapped, showing that he didn’t disregard the first question. “And no. Well... Maybe. I’ve always worn baggy clothes. I’m just more comfortable that way.”

“Okay… Wait, do you still have periods?” Oikawa asked suddenly. Kenma’s head shot up and his face scrunched up into that disgusted face that he had given him during their first meeting. Oikawa laughed. “I just want to know. It lets me know how much chocolate I need to keep around here.” It had been a joke to distract from the other question, but Kenma took the bait. 

“If you’re going to keep sweets for me, I’d prefer apple pie over the chocolate,” he said and flashed him a smile. Oikawa couldn’t help but smile back. “And to answer your question, yes, I still have cycles. I’m not on any kind of hormones, so I still get them. Birth control helps and I take that so they’re not as common anymore.” Birth control?

“Do you take it to lessen the cycles or are you sexually active? Because if you’re going to be bringing people around, we’re going to have to come up with a system,” Oikawa said. Kenma blushed, which was interesting to him. 

“I… I started for a reason like that, I guess, but then I realized that it helped with the cycles so I stayed on it. Look, can we not talk about this? I’m not sexually active. You don’t have to worry about me bringing someone to the dorm,” he said, desperate to change the subject. Oikawa took pity on him. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. Kenma sighed heavily. 

“My last roommate didn’t take it very well. The moment he found out, he was out the door. I tried to get a single dorm room, but those were limited and I’m only a freshman. The school knows about me, but they can’t treat me any differently than a normal student. I’m also not used to coming out to people. I came out to maybe five people. Kuro-“ At the name, Kenma stopped talking. Kuro? That perked Oikawa’s interest. Still, Kenma didn’t seem like it was important and he changed the subject away. “If you decide you no longer want to room with me, I understand,” he said softly. Oikawa caught the sadness in his voice. The whole time, he thought Kenma didn’t like having him around, but he also didn’t see Kenma with friends. Maybe his roommate was lonely and actually liked having him around a little bit. 

“Its going to take a lot more than you being transgender to run me away,” Oikawa said. Kenma’s head snapped up at that and his eyes narrowed. He stared at him like he was determining if Oikawa was trustworthy or not. He must have felt no ill will and he smiled slightly. 

“Thank you, Tooru,” he said. Oikawa returned his smile. 

“You have nothing to thank me for, Ken-chan,” he stated and then looked down at the watch he wore. Then he jumped up and started gathering different clothing. “I have to hurry. I didn’t realize how long we’ve been talking. If I’m not careful, I’ll miss my first class.” With that, he went into the bathroom and threw on clothes and sprayed himself down so that he didn’t reek of sweat. When he came back out, Kenma was sitting on his bed with a blanket thrown over his shoulders, playing his handheld. As Oikawa came out, he looked up at him.

“Good luck,” he said and then returned to his game. 

“Goodbye, Ken-chan!” Oikawa said and then walked out of the door, feeling like his life was finally starting to look up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a trans guy myself, I like to incorporate some in my writing and I like the idea of trans!Kenma. Hopefully I didn't make Oikawa sounds too much like a jerk about it. I wanted him to be ignorant, but also not too offensive. He's still learning and has a way to go.


	3. On My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa has a rough day and Kenma helps him through it.

After Kenma’s reveal, things seemed to go into a semi normal routine. Kenma no longer avoided being in the same room as Oikawa and instead, seemed to spend a lot of time in there. Oikawa still wasn’t sure where Kenma had gone the week he avoided him, but he was glad it was no longer happening. His jogging resumed as normal and now he was a little more mindful of how he came back into the room. He also noticed Kenma seemed to change more in the bathroom instead of out in the actual dorm. It seemed that the walk in had spooked him a little and he was making sure it didn’t happen again.

The only thing that hadn’t changed was Oikawa's lingering thought of volleyball. Even though he had tried to avoid the practices and being around it, he still felt as though he was drawn to it. That was why he was standing in front of the open gym, staring at the practice inside. He longed to feel the ball between his hands as he set and the loud smack of his serve. But he couldn’t and it bothered him that he would never get the chance to feel that again. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes and then there was a soft tug at his sleeve. When he looked down, he saw the concerned face of his roommate. Kenma’s golden eyes blinked up at him and while his face was blank, there was a hint of concern in his eyes. 

“Tooru, shouldn’t you be back in the dorm?” Kenma asked. Oikawa’s gaze went back to the gym and then the tugging was more aggressive. “Let’s go. You can walk me back.” Oikawa didn’t reply. Instead, he let Kenma drag him to the dorm room and as if on autopilot, he sat on his bed. He had never felt such an urge to have a volleyball in his hands. He was sure that if he just erased everything volleyball, he wouldn’t think about it anymore. Everyone he knew, everything involved with it, just everything until there was nothing remaining of volleyball. While he was trapped in thought, there was a sudden weight across his shoulders. It wasn’t unpleasant, just not expected. When he looked up, he saw Kenma in front of him and when he touched his shoulders, he felt the soft fabric of a blanket. 

“Why is it so heavy?” he asked, looking quizzically at his roommate. Kenma looked down at his shoes. 

“It’s a weighted blanket. It helps with anxiety and things like that. You looked like you were having a bad day so I thought it might help you,” he mumbled. Oikawa wrapped the blanket tighter around him. 

“Thank you, Ken-chan. I…” Oikawa trailed off and Kenma looked up at him through the veil of hair in his face. 

“You… You can talk about it,” he said softly. Oikawa let out a bitter laugh. 

“Its my own fault. I… My right knee is messed up. I injured it in high school and then injured it even more when I was in college. So I can’t do anything. I can’t play any sports or things like that. I should have known better than to step foot near that gym. I was so stupid to think that I would forget all about volleyball. It was my entire life and even though I tried to forget about it, I keep going back to it,” Oikawa said. Kenma cocked his head at him. 

“Volleyball?” he asked. 

“Yes. Volleyball. Where you-“

“I know what it is. I played it. I’m just kind of surprised that you did too,” Kenma said, rolling his eyes at Oikawa’s attempted explanation. Now it was Oikawa’s turn to be surprised. 

“You played volleyball?” he asked. Kenma frowned at him for that one. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked. 

“You… You’re not very active and volleyball is a very active sport. I just can’t imagine you playing it. I can barely get you to get out of your bed on weekends. You sleep until noon and then play videogames until who knows how long. The fact that you played volleyball shocks me,” Oikawa stated. Kenma let out a soft laugh. 

“Trust me, if it wasn’t for Kuro, I wouldn’t have,” Kenma stated. Oikawa perked up at that. Kuro. There was that name again. Now was the time to ask about this mysterious person. 

“Who’s Kuro?” Oikawa asked. Kenma tensed and for a second, Oikawa was sure he wasn’t going to answer. Whoever they were, it was something that was sensitive to Kenma. After a long silence, he started to speak. 

“He was my best friend. Childhood best friend. He plays for the professional Tokyo team now and I haven’t spoken to him in awhile,” he said softly and Oikawa caught the bit in sadness in his voice. It hurt him to not talk to his childhood friend. Oikawa had been sure that Kenma didn’t have many friends. He never seemed to communicate to anyone and when he was on his phone, he was just playing games. Hearing Kenma talk so intimately about this person made him rethink it. He also picked up on the Tokyo team, which was the same team he knew Iwaizumi was on. He really didn’t want to dive too deep into it. 

“What team did you play for? Was it anyone I would know?” Oikawa asked deciding that he wouldn’t force Kenma to continue talking about this person. He understood what it was like the hurt at someone you cared for so much. 

“Nekoma. We were a Tokyo team,” Kenma replied. Oikawa racked his brain to see if the name was familiar and then grinned. 

“I watched a video of one of your games my senior year. What position did you play?” he asked. Kenma made a face. 

“Setter. Kuro always told me I was the team’s brain and heart. There was even a chant.” At the mention of the chant, Kenma’s face took that disgusted look that told Oikawa he was displeased and more than likely had been at the time he played too. 

“A chant?” Oikawa asked. Kenma huffed. 

“We are the body's blood. Flow smoothly and circulate oxygen so the brain functions normally. Kuro came up with it when he decided to base the team off me and then when Tora took over, he kept the stupid traditional alive. As his vice captain, I tried to beg him to change his speech, but he was amused by it, so it stayed,” Kenma said. Oikawa laughed.

“Nekoma sounds like they were intense. It sucks that we weren’t able to play you. I’m sure it would have been fun,” he stated and the thought about it. Just the thought of being stared at in a game the same way Kenma stared at him usually, gave him chills. If they were all intense as Kenma’s stare, then he was happy they hadn’t played against them. 

“What team were you on?” Kenma asked, taking the chance to steer the conversation away from him. 

“Aoba Josai. I was also a setter. A good one at that too. One of the best. We were part of the Myagi prefect. Karasuno beat us so we weren’t able to go to Nationals,” Oikawa said and the pouted a little. Kenma’s eyes widened a little and then he game him a soft smile. 

“Shouyo mentioned your team. He held you in high regard. If you’re the setter I think you are, he always referred to you as the Great King,” Kenma said. 

“Shouyo,” Oikawa said, trying to rack his brain as to who it could be. The Great King had given it away. Only one person actively called him that. When it all clicked in his head, his eyes widened. “Chibi-chan?! You’re friends with Chibi-chan?” At Oikawa’s outburst, Kenma shrinked back away from him a bit. 

“Yes.”

“So does that mean that you’re friends with Tobio-chan?” Kenma wrinkled his nose. 

“No. Shouyo's boyfriend is…”

“Intense?” Oikawa supplied. Kenma nodded. 

“Its not that I don’t like him. He just overwhelms me sometimes,” he replied softly. Oikawa just laughed. 

“Tooru,” Kenma said and then looked around the room for a second. “If you ever want to just set to each other, I have a volleyball. It won’t hurt you to just set and it might make you feel a little better.” Oikawa paused for a second and then he threw his arms around Kenma, forgoing the blanket around his shoulders. 

“Ken-chan! That's so nice of you! Who knew that you were so kind!” he said. Kenma’s nose wrinkled and he patted Oikawa’s arm. Oikawa knew Kenma wasn’t too into the physical contact, but he wasn’t actively pushing him away so he stayed where he was. 

“I can tell that it’s been bothering you that you haven't been able to play. So we can set together and it won’t hurt you,” Kenma said. Oikawa let him go and then grinned. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re the best?” he asked. Kenma grinned back at him. 

“Once or twice,” he mumbled. 

“I mean it, Ken-chan. It really means a lot to me. I haven’t been able to play volleyball since I hurt myself. To be able to hold a ball in my hands again really means a lot. Setting was my life and you’re helping bring it back to me,” Oikawa said softly. Kenma turned red at the statement and looked away from Oikawa. 

“While I’m not thrilled at the idea of physical work, its better than listening to you sniffle and whine all the time,” Kenma said. Oikawa’s mouth dropped open. 

“That’s so mean, Ken-chan!” 

Kenma only smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I plan for this fic to have at least 20 chapters. There may be more depending on how my pace goes, but for now, I'm pretty determined at 20.


	4. Why Ya Wanna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa runs into someone that he was sure forgot about him.

Oikawa groaned as he rolled over in his bed and opened his eyes. It was Saturday and he knew that he still had at least a couple hours left to sleep. Something in him revolted at the idea of a couple more hours of sleep, so he got up. The violent throb in his knee told him he wasn’t going to get any running in today. He had been overdoing it with the jogging and not amount of ice was helping soothe it. With nothing else to do, he set his thoughts on getting caffeine so he could breeze through some homework. He looked over at the pile on Kenma’s bed, knowing he was under there somewhere. 

“Ken-chan,” he said. The lump in the center of the bed shifted, but nothing else happened. So Oikawa tried again. “Ken-chan!” Now there was a groan, so Oikawa knew he was getting somewhere. “Ken-chan, please.” 

“Tooru, there better be a good reason as to why you’re bothering me so early on a Saturday,” a muffled voice said underneath the pile of blankets. 

“Come get coffee with me,” Oikawa said. At that, the blankets shot off Kenma’s head and Oikawa was met with a golden glare. 

“You woke me up at 8 in the morning to ask me to get coffee with you? I could have easily slept until noon. Saturday is my only me day, Tooru,” Kenma snapped. Oikawa huffed. 

“Come on, Ken-chan! I’m lonely and you’re my only friend here. Please?” Oikawa asked. Kenma kept his glare. 

“Tough. Make some more friends. I’m going back to sleep,” he said and then disappeared underneath his pile again. Oikawa got up and winced at the shot of pain that went up his leg and threw himself on the pile that was his roommate. 

“Ken-chan! I don’t want to make new friends! Then I won’t have time to spend with you anymore. Please come get coffee with me. I’ll make it worth your while,” he said. Kenma moved around underneath the blankets, trying to buck Oikawa off, but when it didn’t work in his favor, he stopped and pulled the blankets back again. 

“Why do you have to be so annoying so early in the morning?” he asked, glaring at Oikawa. Smiling triumphantly, Oikawa stood back up and winced again. Kenma caught the wince and looked down at his knee.  
“You overdid yourself.”

“Its fine! When we come back, I’ll just put some ice on it and do homework all day. It’s not really a big deal. Give it a couple days and it won’t be sore anymore,” Oikawa stated, waving Kenma’s concern away. 

“I still haven’t agreed to come with you,” Kenma said. Oikawa pouted. 

“You wouldn’t want me to get kidnapped on the way to the coffee shop, would you? Because that’s exactly what’s going to happen if you don’t come with me,” he stated. Kenma rolled his eyes. 

“Me coming with you won’t change a kidnapper’s mind if he really wants to take you. Besides, he’d spend fifteen minutes with you and then he’d bring you back,” Kenma stated. Oikawa gasped. 

“That was the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me, Ken-chan! Take it back!” When Kenma just shrugged, Oikawa crossed his arms. “If you agree to go with me, I’ll buy you an apple pie slice. I know they usually have them there. But it’s only if you agree to come with me,” he stated. Kenma frowned and then thought for a moment. Oikawa could see the gears turning in his head at the prospect of his favorite treat. After a moment, he huffed. 

“Fine. It’s not like I’m going back to sleep anyway,” he mumbled. Oikawa cheered and Kenma moved his pile of blankets away from himself. He was wearing those sweatpants he had the first time they met. Now Oikawa could see they read Nekoma and judging by the way the fit on him, he was also sure they hadn’t originally been Kenma’s. Kenma grabbed another set of clothes and disappeared to the bathroom, leaving Oikawa to get ready. By the time Kenma finally emerged, Oikawa was dressed and trying to fix his hair in his own personal mirror. When he heard Kenma, he turned to him. 

“You could at least work a little more in your appearance,” Oikawa stated, looking him over. Kenma glared at him and he raised his hands. “Fine, fine! I’ll leave you alone.” With that, he finished the last touches to his hair and they were out the door. On the walk there, Kenma played on his phone and Oikawa wondered how he managed that and still avoided everything around him. When they got to the coffee shop, Kenma’s eyes got huge as he stared at the apple pie slices. He wasn’t kidding when he had said he liked apple pie. 

“Are you sure that you don’t mind getting it?” he asked as Oikawa ordered a slice, a latte for himself, and then a hot chocolate for Kenma. The latter had protested at the extra order, but Oikawa was having none of it. 

“I did drag you out of your bed pile. The least I can do is treat you,” he said with a laugh.

“Oikawa?” a voice said and Oikawa froze. No, no, no. He recognized that voice and it couldn’t be him. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be literally anywhere else. “Oi, Shittykawa, I know you can hear me. Don’t act like you don’t.” Oikawa turned and standing in front of him with his arms crossed, was Iwaizumi. He had buffed up a little more since the last time Oikawa had seem him and it suited him well. He plastered on a fake, wide smile. 

“Iwa-chan! What a surprise seeing you here!” he said and then made a sound as Iwaizumi pulled him in for a hug. He relaxed a little in his hold and returned it. It was nice being in his arms. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kenma start to slink away. Very quickly, he caught him by the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him closer to him. He wasn’t going to let his roommate get away from him. He needed someone there with him. He couldn’t face Iwaizumi alone. Iwaizumi felt the shift and pulled back. He caught sight of Oikawa holding Kenma’s sleeve and his expression became unreadable. 

“Where have you been, Shittykawa? I’ve tried calling and texting and I even went to your house, but they all told me that you weren’t there. It was just like you disappeared!” Iwaizumi said, in almost a near yell. Kenma flinched at the tone and moved himself to where he hid behind Oikawa. 

“I- There were some things I had to deal with and I didn’t want to drag you down with me. You have a good thing going for you, Iwa-chan. I would have just messed it all up,” Oikawa said softly. Kenma brushed his hand on Oikawa’s back as a silent support. 

“Dammit, Oikawa. You should know me better than that. I know the kind of depression you slipped into when the doctor told you that you couldn’t play volleyball anymore. But that doesn’t mean that you drop the one person who’s been there for you since the beginning. I… I would have been there for you through all of it,” Iwaizumi said softly. Oikawa felt shame ripple through him. Iwaizumi was right. He would have been there for him. 

“That’s why I had to leave. You would have given up your entire life for me. I couldn’t let you do that. I… I’m proud of you for being on the professional team and I didn’t want you to give that up for a broken setter,” he said softly. 

“Oikawa-“

“Tooru, I think our drinks are ready,” Kenma said softly. Oikawa sniffed and straightened up. Kenma was giving him an out and he was going to take it. He missed Iwaizumi so much. More than he was sure Iwaizumi knew, but he couldn’t do this. Not now. 

“I have to go, Iwa-chan. We have a busy day ahead of us,” Oikawa said with a small smile. Iwaizumi looked at Kenma hiding behind Oikawa and then back at him. Was that jealousy Oikawa had caught on Iwaizumi's face? It couldn’t be. There was no reason for him to be jealous. 

“You can’t just run away from me. We have to talk. Now that I know where you are, I’m not going to stop searching for you. What you did hurt me too. You can’t just run away from me,” Iwaizumi said, crossing his arms. Kenma tugged on Oikawa’s shirt and when he turned to look at him, Kenma just nodded. He agreed with Iwaizumi. Oikawa huffed. 

“Do you still have my number? We… I’m pretty busy with school and everything, but we can get together and talk a little if you want. There’s nothing to really talk about though. I messed up and I’m sorry. But Iwa-chan, I really have to go,” Oikawa said. Iwaizumi nodded. 

“I still have it. You didn’t honestly think I’d just delete your number, did you?” he asked. Oikawa smiled at that. Of course he hadn’t deleted his number. Iwaizumi wasn’t the type for that. 

“Call me or text me whenever. If I don’t answer at first, I’m probably in class,” Oikawa said. 

“I’ll make sure he calls you or texts you back,” Kenma said from behind Oikawa. That drew Iwaizumi’s attention again. 

“Thank you. I really appreciate that,” he said softly. Kenma only nodded and Oikawa went and collected their drinks, aware of Iwaizumi's stare on him and Kenma’s death grip on his shirt. When he gathered them, he handed Kenma his drink and his pie and turned to Iwaizumi. 

“I’ll talk to you later, Iwa-chan. I promise,” he said. Iwaizumi went to hug him again and eyed Kenma before deciding against it. Kenma stared back at him with a golden gaze and stepped away, giving him the okay to do it. Oikawa cursed the smaller man silently. Did he not realize just how much Iwaizumi hugging him had affected him? Iwaizumi laughed a little and hugged Oikawa a little softer this time. 

“Don’t shut me out again. Please,” he begged softly. Then he let him go. Oikawa could only nod and grab Kenma’s arm. They left and Oikawa’s head was in a foggy spot. He had just run into Iwaizumi. The one person he hadn’t wanted to see and he had found him in a coffee shop. 

“He thinks we’re dating,” Kenma said, taking a sip from his drink.

“What? Where did you get that from?” Oikawa asked. Kenma shrugged. 

“It was obvious. He looked a little irritated when you grabbed my arm to keep me there. So that leads me to ask, who was that?” Kenma asked. 

“He… Iwa-chan is my childhood friend. We’ve been friends since we were practically babies,” Oikawa said. Kenma nodded.

“Did you date him?” he asked. Oikawa shot him a dirty look. 

“No. Did you date your childhood friend?” he snapped back. Kenma tensed at the question. Oh. That wasn’t what Oikawa had expected. 

“Are you in love with him? He seems to be with you,” he said, ignoring Oikawa’s question. Oikawa squawked at that. 

“Ken-chan, you can’t just ask that. And Iwa-chan isn’t in love with me. It’s not possible,” Oikawa said, dismissive. Kenma’s eyes looked up at him and narrowed. 

“Its not?” he said. Oikawa frowned. He needed a subject change and fast. He didn’t want to think about Iwaizumi anymore. 

“Hey, Ken-chan? How do you feel about a little volleyball?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now Iwaizumi is back and with him comes others. This fanfic might end up being longer than 20 chapters after some planning. But I will leave it there just in case I'm wrong.


	5. A Dying Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Kenma have a little more bonding time and Oikawa discovers Kenma has been keeping a dark secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a warning of past self harm in this one. I write Kenma based a lot on myself because I do relate to him a lot and I project a little on him. If self harm or mentions of self harm bother you, you can just skip this chapter. The only things you need to know is Oikawa and Kenma play volleyball. And if you just want to skip the scene, it starts when Kenma's sleeve falls down and ends when Oikawa offers for them to leave.

It took a lot of convincing and even more begging on Oikawa’s part, but after an hour and a half, they were on their way to the gym. Kenma still seemed to have the shorts from his old uniform and all his shirts worked for practicing in. Oikawa thought it was odd that Kenma had picked a long sleeve shirt to practice in. It wasn’t cold outside, but he also knew the smaller man got cold easily, so he let it go. It wasn’t really any of his business what Kenma wore. Oikawa had his jogging pants on and his old Aoba Josai shirt. Even though volleyball had been a sore subject to him, he couldn’t stand the thought of getting rid of his old uniform. So he had kept the shirt and since the shorts showed off the knee he was ashamed of, they were out away somewhere. Kenma still had an old volleyball, which had intrigued Oikawa. Maybe Kenma was more attached to volleyball than he thought.

“Thank you, Ken-chan. I’m really glad that you agreed to this. The run in with Iwa-chan kind of put my mind in a bad place,” he said as they made it to the gym. It was empty, probably due to the fact that it was a Saturday and all the practices were over. Kenma hummed. 

“We have to stretch first. It’s been a long time since I’ve played and I don’t want to pull a muscle,” he told him. Oikawa nodded and they went through a round of stretches. Some of them gave a pull on Oikawa’s knee and Kenma would alter them a little. When he deemed them stretched, Kenma picked up the volleyball. 

“I’m surprised that you still have one of those. I would have thought that when you gave up volleyball, you wouldn’t have kept the ball,” he said. Kenma looked at the ball in his hands. 

“It’s… important to me,” he said softly, almost sadly. Oikawa didn’t know how to reply, but he didn’t have to. Kenma’s eyes looked away from the ball and into his own eyes. “We’re only setting, understand? Nothing more.” 

“I know, I know. Nothing that will fuck up my knee,” he said. Kenma nodded and then set the ball. The shirt he picked seemed careful to not move away from Kenma’s wrists, which distracted Oikawa momentarily. The ball was almost to him when he snapped out of it and very quickly moved into a position to set it back. They continued like that in silence for awhile. 

“So, Ken-chan, I have a question,” he said, breaking the silence they had. Kenma huffed. 

“What?” he answered. Oikawa gave him a grin.

“So you’re trans,” he stated. Kenma stopped and held the ball in his hands and stared him down. 

“We’ve established this. And I’d really rather you not say that so loud. I’m not out, remember?” he asked. Oikawa tensed. He had forgotten Kenma wasn’t openly trans. He was openly a guy, just a very effeminate one. He didn’t realize he wasn’t out as a trans guy. 

“Sorry, sorry. I forgot that it was a secret. I won’t make that mistake again,” he stated. Kenma nodded and went back to setting with him. “But I have questions.” Kenma rolled his eyes. 

“Of course you do. What are your questions?” he asked. That made Oikawa’s grin widen. 

“So, if a person who was born as a male wears strictly female clothing-“ 

“That doesn’t make them trans, Tooru. It just means that they like female clothing.” Oikawa thought about that for a moment.

“Okay, but what if it’s exclusively. Like they only wear female clothing,” he pushed. Kenma let out a deep sigh. 

“Does this person identify as a female?” he asked. 

“They haven’t said anything,” he stated. Kenma nodded. 

"Then that doesn’t make them trans. If this person tells you that their pronouns are she or her, that would make them trans. If they don’t tell you otherwise, don’t assume they are,” he said. Oikawa nodded. 

“What if you can’t tell?” he asked, genuinely curious. Kenma shrugged. 

“I would stick with a neutral pronoun then. It’s better to stay neutral than sound like an asshole,” he replied. Oikawa nodded. 

“Has anyone ever called you by the wrong pronoun?” he asked. Kenma tensed at that question. 

“It happens. It’s like you said, I have long hair, it makes me look more feminine,” he said.

“I’m so sorry that I said that. I didn’t realize that it was the wrong thing to say,” Oikawa apologized. Kenma only waved him away. 

“It’s okay. You didn’t know,” he replied. Oikawa frowned. Kenma might have said it was fine, but he didn’t feel that way. His next set was a little harder and he could tell when it hit Kenma’s hands, he struggled with it. The sleeves that had been carefully in place all this time came down and that’s when Oikawa noticed a faint white line. In all fairness to him, he wasn’t sure it the sleeve had just come down or if it had been happening this whole time and he had just noticed. But Oikawa had noticed this time and then the white line. A scar. And then Oikawa noticed another one almost right underneath. Kenma set the ball back to him, but Oikawa stopped paying attention. 

“Kenma…” he breathed, still staring at the smaller man’s arm. The ball fell to the floor and bounced a few times and then it was silent. Oikawa watched as Kenma pulled the sleeve down and looked at him with wide eyes. 

“I’m fine,” he said, keeping his eyes on Oikawa, who was really concerned. 

“You… Those are… Kenma,” he said, not really sure what was going on. Kenma had scars on his wrists. Oikawa wasn’t dumb. He knew what scars there meant. 

“Tooru, I’m fine,” Kenma insisted, already moving to get the volleyball that Oikawa had let drop. When he walked past him, Oikawa grabbed Kenma’s arm. Kenma fought him, but Oikawa didn’t care. He needed to know that his roommate, his friend, wasn’t hurting himself. He pulled the sleeve up and noticed that the scars trailed down his forearm. How did he not notice before? Kenma was his roommate. He had seen him naked. How had he not noticed the scarring? Kenma jerked his arm away and Oikawa stumbled back at the force of it. 

“Kenma-“

“I haven’t done it in awhile. I’m fine. It was something I did as I was coming to terms with who I am. I’m fine, Tooru. You don’t have to worry about me,” he insisted. Oikawa nodded numbly. He had gone through a rough year, but he had never thought about doing that. Why had his roommate? Why hurt yourself in that way?

“Why?” he asked, not sure how to handle this new information. Kenma frowned and hugged himself. 

“It was easier to deal with all the other stuff happening. My mind goes crazy and it was the one thing that temporarily took the anxiety away. But I’m all right now and I don’t want to discuss this,” he replied and then scurried off to get the ball. Oikawa was still numb, but Kenma didn’t want to talk about it and he couldn’t make him. Instead, he forced a smile. 

“All right, Ken-chan. Do you want to continue or are you done for the day?” Oikawa asked. Kenma thought for a moment. 

“I think I’m done,” he said and then walked back over to him. He stared at him and then smiled. “Tooru, I promise I’m okay.” Oikawa froze. Kenma never smiled the way he was smiling at him now. It was an innocent type of smile that he was using to try to convince him that he was fine. It made Oikawa want to protect whatever innocence that smile held. 

“I trust you, just… If you need someone to talk, I’ll listen,” he offered. Kenma only nodded. Oikawa took the ball from him and felt the sudden urge to do something he knew could be dangerous. “Ken-chan, can I serve? Just once and then we can leave. I just want to feel it again.” Kenma’s face scrunched up and Oikawa laughed at it. 

“You could really hurt yourself,” Kenma stated. 

“I’ll be fine. And if not, you can carry me to the hospital,” Oikawa teased. Kenma rolled his eyes.

“I’d just leave you here,” he said. Oikawa’s mouth dropped open. 

“Ken-chan! After all I’ve done for you!” he screeched. Kenma laughed and then handed him the ball.

“Just once. After that, we’re going back to the dorm room,” he said and then walked closer to the door. Oikawa took in a deep breath and hit the ball a couple times. When he was done, he grasped the ball firmly in his hands and let out another breath. His eyes set in determination and he tossed up the ball and ran to catch up to when it fell back down. He leapt and when his hand made contact, used all his power to get it over the net. It soared and fell inside the in line. When he landed, his knee gave out and he fell to the floor. He wasn’t in any pain, but he could hear Kenma yelling after him. He laughed and felt a weight life off his shoulders. Serving had felt nice. It had felt like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to go back and change the chapter titles to song titles at some point in time. I'm not sure how ao3 works update wise, so if you get a notification I've updated in the next three days, it's because I'm playing with it. Also I hope you guys enjoyed this filler chapter because it's about to get wild. I'm also going to change the rating because I didn't understand the rating system and there will be sexual tones.


	6. If You Only Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa goes out with Iwaizumi and meets some interesting new people.

After a couple weeks, Oikawa’s life seemed to go back to a normal. He went to class, came back to the dorm, bothered Kenma until the other man got tired of him, and then would focus on his homework, and go to bed. His morning jogs had been put on hold per Kenma after he had done his jump serve and almost hurt himself again. He didn’t mind the time off. It gave him a little extra time to sleep before class and it gave him a chance to see Kenma’s morning routine, which just consisted of rolling out of bed and playing videogames until Oikawa left. There were a few times he had spotted camera equipment and he wanted to ask, but he wasn’t sure if Kenma would appreciate him being in his business like that. Whatever it was, Kenma was sure to do it when he wasn’t around. It really made him suspicious at first, but then he remembered who his roommate was and didn’t think about it anymore. 

The biggest change in his life was he once again, had frequent contact with Iwaizumi. It had taken him the whole weekend and a bit of threatening from Kenma to finally text the man again, but he did and he was happy about it. It was almost as if nothing had ever happened in their relationship. It concerned Oikawa that Iwaizumi hadn’t asked any questions. He knew the other man wasn’t just going to let something like his disappearance go, but he hadn’t brought it up. Instead, he seemed content to telling Oikawa about his life, minus all the volleyball stuff. Oikawa knew that Iwaizumi was hiding it for a reason and even though he wished he could be mad about it, he felt more relieved. 

“Ken-chan!” Oikawa burst into their dorm room and at his sudden entrance, his smaller roommate jumped from his spot on his bed and then narrowed his eyes at him. Books were scattered everywhere on the bed and he had pulled his hair back from his eyes to see. It also gave Oikawa clear view of his golden disapproval. 

“Tooru, I’m trying to study. What do you want?” he snapped. Oikawa ignored the tone in his voice and sat in the desk chair to his roommate’s computer. 

“Iwa-chan asked me to go drinking with him and his friends and I’m not sure what to do about it. Do I go? Do I say no? Help me,” he whined. Kenma let out a deep sigh and then closed the book in front of him. 

“Why wouldn’t you go?” he asked, doing his best to keep a light tone. Oikawa could tell that he was frustrated that his studying had been interrupted. He would just have to make it up to him later. 

“Um. Well…” He trailed off and looked away, not able to meet his roommate’s eyes anymore. “Its… complicated,” he said finally. When he looked back, Kenma’s eyebrow raised. He huffed. “Do you remember when you asked me if I had dated Iwa-chan?” 

“You told me no,” Kenma replied. Oikawa nodded and then looked away again. 

“I… didn’t exactly tell you the truth. We dated my last year of high school and then I messed up my knee during our last match with Karasuno and…” The next part had always been difficult to talk about. He had lived so long without telling anyone this and he wasn’t sure why he was telling Kenma now. He liked to think that the two were friends, but Oikawa still wasn’t sure why he was telling him. Maybe because Kenma had secrets of his own? He sighed. He knew Kenma wouldn’t judge him for it. His roommate judged him for a lot of things, he knew, but he wouldn’t for this. “I broke up with him, dropped all contact, and then disappeared. He… He really wanted to play for the Tokyo team and I supported him, but when it came to me not ever being able to play again, I panicked and then decided everything volleyball related needed to leave my life.” 

“And that included Hajime,” Kenma finished. Oikawa felt tears sting his eyes. It had been stupid. Iwaizumi hadn’t deserved all that, but he had been selfish just like he always was. 

“Yeah, well, I didn’t expect him to find me at a coffee shop,” Oikawa snapped. 

“You’re being too hard on yourself again. Stop it. I’m sure that he understands. You were young and your entire life was taken from you. You did what you thought would be best for you. Now it’s up to you to decide if it’s still what’s best for you. Volleyball is back in your life, why not let Hajime back in too?” Kenma said. Oikawa looked over and saw that Kenma was staring at him. It wasn’t his usual stare where he was disecting Oikawa’s every move. Instead, it seemed to be more of a concerned one. 

“You’re right. Besides, he’s bringing two of his friends he said, so it’s not like we’ll be alone,” he replied and then smiled. “Thank you. Would you like to come? It might do you good to get out of this dorm room and I’m sure Iwa-chan wouldn’t mind.” 

“No. I don’t drink and that sounds like hell,” Kenma said and then reopened the book he had been reading.  
“Besides, if I don’t get this down, I’m failing my test on Monday and I don’t want to retake this stupid class. Go, have fun, and be careful. If you need a way back, I’ll come get you.” With that, Kenma went back to his studying and Oikawa went to get ready. 

\---------------

“Oikawa!” At the sound of his name, Oikawa’s head snapped up. He had been texting Kenma to let him know that he had made it and not to worry about him. His roommate had only replied with an okay, but it still made him feel better. As long as Kenma knew where he was, he felt a little safer being out. When he watched Iwaizumi approach, a small smile crossed his face and he felt his heartbeat quicken. Even after all this time, Iwaizumi still managed to do things to him. 

“Iwa-chan,” he greeted and then got a glimpse at the people behind Iwaizumi. They were both tall men, very obviously volleyball players. One of them had two toned black and white hair that was spiked to look like owl horns. His muscled chest was barely contained underneath the light grey shirt he wore and Oikawa had thought Iwaizumi had gotten buff. This man had him beat. The other was more lanky and not as muscled as the other two. His hair stood straight up in a messy, black bedheaded manner and he didn’t look as thrilled to be there as the other two. 

“These are my friends, Bokuto Koutarou,” the man with the two toned hair waved, “and Kuroo Tetsurou.” When the black haired man only nodded, Bokuto scoffed. 

“Don’t mind him! We had to drag him out drinking with us, which he never does anymore because he’s lame,” he told Oikawa with a look at the other man. Kuroo. It was a name that Kenma had used often and from what Oikawa gathered, Kuroo was on the Tokyo team with Iwaizumi. Could this be the same guy? 

“I told you that I had other plans and didn’t want to come,” he snapped and then crossed his arms and looked away from them. He looked irritated that he had been pulled away from whatever he had planned to do. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. 

“I know you don’t want to run into him, but I highly doubt your ex will be in bars. So come on, lighten up a bit,” he said and then looked at Oikawa. “Sorry. He’s not usually like this. Most times, I can’t keep him and Bokuto out of trouble.” Bokuto laughed at that and even Kuroo gave a small smile. 

“You’re going to regret those words when Bo and I start drinking,” Kuroo told him and then grabbed the other man. “Come one. Let’s go in. If I’m going to be here, I might as well start drinking.” The two walked in and Iwaizumi shook his head.

“They grow on you, I promise. Bokuto’s fiance will be here soon too and he always knows how to keep Bokuto in check. So if they start causing trouble, they won’t stay in it for long,” he promised and then led Oikawa in.

“They remind me a little of Makki and Mattsun,” Oikawa told him as they walked in. Iwaizumi made a face. 

“Oh, no. They’re much worse than the other two. Trust me. You’re going to wish I never invited you when they start,” he replied. Oikawa laughed and they all found a table. Drinking with Iwaizumi and his friends was different. True to his word, when Bokuto and Kuroo had actually started drinking, the latter had become more animated and more encouraging to the owl haired man. The two had an ongoing bet on who could drink more and Oikawa was sure that they were all going to regret that later. The more they drank, the more Oikawa found himself slipping back into old habits with Iwaizumi. There had been times he caught himself leaning more into the other man when he felt no one was paying attention. To his surprise, Iwaizumi had made no move to stop him either. Instead, when Oikawa leaned into him, Iwaizumi’s hand would rest lightly on his back. It was as if things had never changed. 

“One of us should probably go get another round for all of us,” Iwaizumi said as they finished their last round of drinks. Bokuto made a loud noise and jumped up. 

“I got it!” he yelled and then got up. Iwaizumi groaned. 

“I’m going to go help him to make sure he doesn’t spill them,” he replied and then got up, leaving Oikawa with Kuroo. When Oikawa looked over at the other man, he noticed he had pulled his phone out and was staring intently at something. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, do I bore you?” he asked. Kuroo blinked up at him and then moved to put his phone away, but not before Oikawa saw what he had been doing. A flash of a video had caught his eye and he recognized the two toned hair of his roommate. He grabbed Kuroo’s wrist before his could put the phone completely out of view. It was his roommate streaming what looked to be a video game. Everything all clicked to him. Of course Kenma was a YouTuber. 

“Let go,” Kuroo’s voice said before he yanked his wrist out of Oikawa’s hand. His phone clicked off and then Oikawa raised an eyebrow. 

“You know Ken-chan,” he said matter of factly. Kuroo’s cheerful face had changed into something unreadable. He wasn't sure if it had been his statement or the nickname that had done it, but there was a hard look in Kuroo's eyes.

“How do you know Kenma?” he asked. There was something about his tone… 

“He’s my roommate. How do you know Ken-chan?” he asked. When Kuroo didn’t answer, Oikawa smirked. “Is he the ex you’re trying to avoid?” At that, Kuroo’s face darkened. 

“If anyone is avoiding the other, it’s him avoiding me. But that’s really none of your business is it?” Kuroo snapped. Oikawa sat back in his chair and then crossed his arms. So this was Kenma’s Kuro and he could tell that the other didn’t like him. What a night this was turning out to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know it's been two weeks since I last updated, but I got sick when I had planned to update originally and it's con season again and I'm a cosplayer so a lot of my time is wild this time of year. Everything I had planned to do for this fanfiction kind of went out the window when I got sick. Just please bear with me for at least another little while. I promise I'll get my stuff in order soon. The next chapter won't take as long to come out because I've already planned out how it was going to go. I had to separate this into two parts because a lot is going down with Oikawa and Kuroo in this, so the next chapter will be out soonish.


	7. Play With Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa learns a little more of Kenma's relationships and gets conflicted about his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally done what I said I was going to and fixed my chapter titles after a long time. I promise, Kuroken will have some interaction soon, but it is a slow burn for them.

Oikawa looked around the bar they were at when things became uncomfortable with Kuroo. He had known better than to get on the other man’s bad side, but he had wanted information. It surprised him that it was Kenma avoiding the man in front of him. Kuroo was attractive and while Kenma had his moments where Oikawa could call him cute, it was obvious that Kuroo had been the one people looked at when they went out. He tried to rack his brain on them, but couldn’t see where it had worked. Maybe that’s why they weren’t together anymore. Maybe it didn’t work. 

“Come on, Hajime. Hurry up,” Oikawa mumbled, hoping the other two would be back soon. Kuroo had gone back to ignoring him, but he didn’t pull his phone back out. He had been watching Kenma, right? It was clear the tall man still had some kind of feelings for his roommate, so was it Kenma? What had happened that was so bad for him to ignore him? 

“How is he?” Oikawa turned to look at the other man at the question. The anger had left Kuroo’s face and he just seemed a little sad.

“Ken-chan? He’s all right. He’s taking some sort of class that’s been stressing him out, but other than that, he seems fine,” he replied. Something shifted in Kuroo’s face. 

“Its stressing him out? How bad?” Kuroo asked. Worry. That was what Kuroo was feeling. Why would he- Oh. 

“He’s not hurting himself,” Oikawa assured. Kuroo raised an eyebrow and he was sure that he had just told on Kenma. He had to have known. 

“He told you,” he said simply. Oikawa shook his head. 

“No. I found out on my own. He didn’t tell me,” he replied. Kuroo went to say something else, but was interrupted by a loud booming voice. He looked up and saw that Iwaizumi was coming back with the drinks in his hand while Bokuto was dragging a young man behind him. The new man had a very expressionless face and was very pretty. Oikawa had seen pretty people before, he considered himself to be one of them, but this man was gorgeous. His black hair looked like it had been swept around by the wind and his steel grey eyes were covered by glasses.

“Well, well. Who did Owl-chan bring back with him?” Oikawa asked and Iwaizumi took his seat beside him. Bokuto took his place beside Kuroo and the new man sat beside Bokuto. 

“This is Agaashi!” Bokuto announced proudly. The other man turned to Bokuto and smiled lightly at him. Oh. _Oh._ He didn’t need a further introduction. Just the way the new man had looked at Bokuto, he knew exactly who he was.

“Akaashi Keiji. I’m a personal journalist for the Tokyo volleyball team,” the young man introduced. Bokuto looked like he was about to jump out of his seat. 

“He’s my fiance! I asked him to marry me and he said yes, can you believe that? Look at how pretty he is! And he said yes! To me!” Bokuto said excitedly. Oikawa gave him a small smile. Of course the boy had said yes. It was obvious from the love sick expression that Akaashi had given Bokuto that he was as in love with Bokuto as the owl haired man was with him. He glanced over at Iwaizumi. Had he given those looks to him when they were together?

“Of course I did. We’ve been together for almost four years. I wasn’t going to say no to you,” Akaashi said and then smiled. Kuroo gagged beside them. 

“Come on, bro. We came to get drunk, not do this,” he said. That seemed to get Bokuto’s attention and Akaashi turned to Oikawa. 

“I’m not familiar with you,” he said. Iwaizumi took over speaking then.

“This is Oikawa Tooru. You’ve heard me talk about him,” he said and then Oikawa caught the light blush that dusted Iwaizumi’s cheeks. Just what exactly did Iwaizumi say about him? Before he could ask, Kuroo cut in. 

“And he’s Kenma’s roommate,” he said. It had a hard edge to it and Oikawa glared at him. Iwaizumi stiffened and Oikawa noticed Bokuto did too. Only Akaashi didn’t react, but Oikawa caught his look of frustration. Akaashi didn’t seem pleased by Kuroo’s declaration. 

“How is Kozume-san? I’ve tried texting him to let him know I was in town, but he hasn’t responded, which isn’t like him,” Akaashi said. Oikawa’s eyes widened at that. Was Akaashi friends with Kenma? He had used Kenma’s last name, but he also had his phone number. He looked at the others and raised an eyebrow. 

“He’s… fine I guess? He’s studying hard. I don’t think I’ve seen him on his phone lately,” he said. He hadn’t seen Kenma looking at his phone lately. But if Kuroo was around, that could be why. 

“Hmm. I see. Tell him that I asked about him, please? I haven’t heard from him in awhile and that always concerns me,” Akaashi told him. So they were friends then. 

“Ah. Yes. Okay. I’ll be sure to tell him for you, Aka-chan,” Oikawa replied and then turned back to Iwaizumi. The initial shock of who Kenma was to him seemed to have faded and there was a bit of relief. Had he really thought he was dating Kenma? 

“So how do you know everyone, Oikawa-san?” Akaashi asked. Oikawa smiled. 

“I only know Iwa-chan. The others I just met tonight. Iwa-chan and I have been friends since we were babies,” Oikawa said, smiling over at Iwaizumi. The other man returned his smile and Oikawa felt the same lurch in his stomach he always had. _No._ He couldn’t be falling in love with Iwaizumi again. 

“Ah. I see. Bokuto-san and Kuroo-san can be a lot to handle at first, but they aren’t bad,” Akaashi said, turning a sweet smile to Bokuto. The owl haired man whined. 

“Agaaasshhiiii. Call me Koutarou now. You’re too formal and we’re engaged,” he whined. Oikawa laughed and felt Iwaizumi’s hand brush his back. He turned and saw that Iwaizumi had a faint blush on his face. _Old habits_ , Oikawa figured. When they had dated, Iwaizumi had always brushed some part of him with his hand. _We’re both tipsy. This means nothing_ , Oikawa thought. I need to get out of here. This is too much, too fast. 

“I think I’ve had enough for one night. As much as I would love to stay and chat with you, Aka-chan, I have a lot of homework to get done with before the weekend is over so I can’t be too hungover,” he said and then stood up. All the alcohol he had rushed through him and he felt himself stumble a little. Iwaizumi was up and had him standing straight before he could fall. 

“You could never hold your alcohol,” he grumbled. Then he turned to the others. “I’ll be back. I’m going to make sure he makes it back all right.” Oikawa heard the goodbyes from the two lovebirds and then Iwaizumi had him out the door. The fresh air helped clear his head a little. 

“You don’t have to escort me back, Iwa-chan. I can find my own way back. It’s not too far,” Oikawa said as they walked. They were going in the right direction. How did Iwaizumi know where he stayed? 

“I’m getting you back to your roommate. You might not have been paying attention, but I swiped your phone while you were talking to Akaashi. I messaged Kenma and he said he’d meet me halfway. You know, you should really put a code on your phone,” Iwaizumi told him. Oikawa’s eyes widened, but then he grinned.

“How sneaky, Iwa-chan. And I don’t need a code because I have nothing to hide,” he said. Iwaizumi just grunted and they walked in silence for a little while. It was a comfortable silence and it gave Oikawa time to try and clear his head, which was hard considering Iwaizumi’s arm was around his waist. He leaned into Iwaizumi, even though he knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. He could claim it was him being drunk later. After a few moments, he saw the familiar face of his roommate. 

“Thank you for bringing him to me. I really didn’t want to go to the bar to pick him up,” Kenma said. Iwaizumi just shrugged.   
“Ken-chan! You came to rescue me,” Oikawa said, switching from Iwaizumi to Kenma, who made a face at him. 

“Just make sure he gets back okay,” he said. Then he looked at Oikawa. “Text me tomorrow so that I know you’re still alive.”

“Of course, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa replied with a grin. Iwaizumi gave him a small smile and then left. When he was gone, Kenma looked over at him.

“You don’t look very drunk,” he commented. Oikawa grinned at him. 

“That’s because I’m not. I just had to get out of the bar. I didn’t know Iwa-chan messaged you,” he replied. He looked down at his roommate. There was a lot that they needed to talk about, but Kenma looked exhausted and even though he wasn’t drunk, the alcohol still made Oikawa feel tired. “Let’s go home, Ken-chan. I’ve had enough fun for tonight.”


	8. Someone You Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa confronts Kenma and learns about his past with Kuroo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no reason why I didn't update this sooner. The new book to my favorite book series came out recently and I spent a week and a half reading it. I'm also not in quarantine and still have to work so it took up my free time. But I finished it and I'll work on updating frequently again.

The next morning, Oikawa woke up closer to afternoon than morning. He hadn’t been drunk, but alcohol had always made him sleep a little longer than usual. He glanced over and noticed that Kenma wasn’t in his bed, which meant that he had woken up before he had. He groaned. Meeting Kenma's ex boyfriend had only raised more questions than anything else. This entire time, he was sure that Kuroo had been an issue, but now he wasn’t sure. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Where had his roommate gone? He got dressed and pulled on some different clothes before grabbing his books to study. He didn’t really have any other plans and Kenma wasn’t there so he couldn’t talk to him like he wanted. After a couple hours, the door to their dorm room opened and Kenma walked in. He still looked exhausted. Oikawa’seyes automatically went to Kenma’s covered arms. Kuroo had seemed worried about Kenma picking up his old habit again. 

“Ken-chan! I woke up and you weren't here! I missed you,” Oikawa said, dramatically. He had questions for Kenma, but he didn't want to overwhelm him. Kenma gave him a look. 

“I just went out for a little while. You were fine,” he said and then sat down on his bed. He didn’t say where he had gone, but Oikawa was glad to hear that he had gotten out of the dorm room. He worried about how reclusive roommate sometimes. 

“Yeah? Where did you go?” he asked. Kenma shrugged. 

“Mainly around the campus. Studying was getting to me and then editing was also getting to me so I decided to give up,” he said softly. He yawned and Oikawa realized just how tired Kenma was. He hadn’t seen the other boy sleep much lately. “We didn’t really talk much about it, but how did your night go last night?” Oikawa sighed. If he was going to talk to Kenma, now was the best time for it. 

“It was fun for the most part. Made me realize just how much I miss having Iwa-chan around,” he said and then frowned. He had missed Iwaizumi. A lot. Being around him the previous night told him that he was still in love with his own ex. Would Kenma feel that way? It was clear that Kuroo had. 

“Maybe you should do something with just you two then. None of his friends,” Kenma suggested. Oikawa nodded. 

“Yeah. Maybe… But his friends weren’t that bad. And they all knew you,” he said softly. Kenma tensed at that. 

“Oh?” he asked softly. He didn’t seem surprised though. Oikawa was sure that he had been expecting this. Kenma would know what team Iwaizumi would play for and would make the connection. He wasn’t dumb and Oikawa knew that. He still tested the waters though. 

“Yes. There was Owl-chan,” he started. Kenma laughed at that, but nodded. 

“Koutarou,” he said with a nod. Oikawa nodded back. 

“Then there was his ridiculously gorgeous fiance. He was so pretty he made me look ugly,” he told Kenma dramatically. Kenma rolled his eyes, but smiled. 

“Keiji.”

“He wants you to text him. He said he texted you and hadn’t heard a response. I told him you’ve been busy,” Oikawa told him gently. Kenma gave him a confused look and pulled out his phone. His eyes widened and then he looked a little sheepish. 

“I guess I looked at it and didn’t think to reply back. I’ll text him back later,” he said, putting his phone back. He turned to look at Oikawa and his golden eyes told him that he knew his next words. Kenma would know he had met Kuroo. 

“I also met your ex,” he said softly. Kenma’s expression didn’t change. He had been expecting that, but Oikawa hoped there would be something more to that revelation. 

“I know. If Koutarou was there, then Kuro wouldn’t be far behind. They’re best friends,” he said simply. Oikawa thought about just dropping it, but he needed to know about what had happened with Kenma and Kuroo. 

“He misses you,” he told him. Kenma tensed at that and narrowed his eyes. 

“Does he now?” he asked. Oikawa nodded. 

“He was watching your stream while we were out. When I said something about you being stressed, he got really worried that you… Well… You know,” he said, motioning to Kenma’s arms. Kenma sighed. 

“I thought he would have moved on by now,” he said. Oikawa raised an eyebrow at that. 

“So you don’t miss him?” he asked a little confused. Kenma shook his head. 

“Its… complicated. I do miss him, but… He hasn’t made an effort with me. Not since our breakup,” he said. Oikawa was even more confused. 

“Explain. I’m smart, but I’m not following you right now,” he said. Kenma groaned. 

“I don’t… I don’t know… I’d have to tell you about the entire breakup,” he said. Oikawa shrugged. 

“We have time,” he offered with a smile. Kenma frowned, but nodded. “Ken-chan, if you don’t want to talk about it, don’t.” 

“Its not that. I just… I miss him too, you know. He was everything to me and he just… I broke up with him after he graduated high school. He was going off to try to play professional and I was on my last year. And… It kind of sucks being compared to your own significant other,” he said softly. Oikawa perked up at that. 

“What do you mean?” he asked. Kenma looked down at his bed. 

“You saw him. Kuro is attractive and talented and outgoing and I’m… I’m none of that. So when people saw us together, their first question would be why? Why pick him? I felt like I came second to him always. That I only had friends because they were his friends too. Then I met Shouyo and Keiji and it didn’t feel so bad because they were my friends, but… I still felt like I came second to him and that wasn’t fair to either of us,” he explained. Oikawa frowned. 

“Did he know that?” he asked him. Kenma shook his head. 

“No. Not that part. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings,” he said softly. Oikawa reached out and tapped Kenma’s arms. 

“Is that why you started doing that?” he asked. Another shake of the head. 

“No, but it was part of why I kept doing it,” he replied. Then he looked up at Oikawa. “Kuro isn’t the bad guy. I know that’s what you’re thinking, but he’s not.” 

“I wasn’t thinking that. I was trying to think of why you possibly thought that you came second to him,” he said. 

“Anxiety. My head tells me a lot of things that aren’t true and makes me believe them. It’s what happens,” Kenma said with a shrug. 

“So if you miss him and you know that you don’t come second to him, why aren’t you going after him? He misses you, Kenma. A lot,” Oikawa said. Kenma laughed a little. 

“If he really misses me, then he could have fought for me a little harder than he did. When I told him I wanted to break up, he said okay and that was that. He hasn’t tried reaching out to me since that day. He’s not… He didn’t fight for me like Hajime is trying to fight for you. He just… He just let me go, Tooru,” he said and Oikawa heard his voice crack. He rushed over and wrapped his arms around Kenma’s shoulders and held him as he cried. It explained a lot about their relationship now. He squeezed Kenma tighter and laid his head on his. 

“He loves you, Kenma. He was stupid to not fight for you, but maybe he thought that was best. If he really cared about you and knew how you were, then he would have thought he was doing what was best. But that doesn’t stop him loving you. I saw that look on his face when you were brought up. Maybe… Just text him?” Oikawa suggested. Kenma shook his head. 

“Can’t. I don’t have his number. I deleted it after a year of no contact. So even if I wanted to, I couldn’t,” he replied. Oikawa smiled. 

“What if I asked Iwa-chan for it? Would you then?” he asked. Kenma shrugged. 

“I wouldn’t even know what to say, Tooru. Besides… It’s all up to him now,” he said and Oikawa knew that was that. He could see Kenma wanted to, but he also knew the boy suffered with extreme anxiety and even if Oikawa had gotten Kuroo’s number for him, he wouldn’t have done anything with it. 

“We’ll see about that. You still love him, Ken-chan. I’m not going to just let you be in love with your ex boyfriend the rest of your life and wonder what could have been. I’ll talk to Iwa-chan and see what we can do about the other stupid cat,” he said and grinned. Kenma rolled his eyes. 

“You’re just using this as an excuse to talk to Iwaizumi, aren’t you?” he asked in a teasing tone. Oikawa grinned. 

“I don’t need an excuse to talk to Iwa-chan,” he said. Kenma tilted his head a little and Oikawa didn’t like the look he was giving him. 

“Don’t let him go again. He’s willing to do whatever it takes to keep you. Don’t do that to him. You’re doing better with your knee and being able to do volleyball and stuff like that again, so maybe you should actually talk to him instead of what you two are actually doing,” he said. Oikawa frowned. 

“I plan to. I just… I cut him off, Ken-chan. Forever. Without a word. Without even a formal breakup. I just left,” he said. Kenma nodded. 

“I think he’ll understand. Don’t worry. He’s waited this long to find you again. I think he’ll be able to wait until you’re ready to talk about it all. Don’t rush yourself. I just think that you should talk to him,” he said. Oikawa knew that Kenma was right and he needed to tell Iwaizumi about why he had done it. But the other man always looked so happy to see him all the time that he didn’t want to take that away. He was ready to talk about it though and if he waited longer, he might lose that courage he built up. He would talk to Iwaizumi and he would talk to him soon. He had to. He wanted what they had before and talking was the only way to get it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neither Kuroo or Kenma were the bad guy in their relationship, Kenma just let his anxiety make his decisions for him. That part was kind of hard to write, since I sometimes feel that way with my own partner. It's nothing that they do, but my anxiety tries to tell me otherwise. It's what happens when you have a more extroverted partner. I hope it shines a little more light on their relationship in this fanfic. On the plus side, most of the angst is settling and we can get to the fluff soon enough!


	9. Thick As Theives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma talks with Akaashi and decides it's time to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, listen. Guys. I'm not dead. I've had this chapter written for like a week and I'm a big dumb that FORGOT TO POST IT. So I'm here and I'm posting this down and you might get another one this weekend.

The next two weeks went by quickly and Kenma felt like he couldn’t keep up. He had taken his exams, but was sure that he had failed at least one of them, despite studying for hours on end. He hated that. Studying was never something he had taken seriously until college and now it was starting to show. He had considered putting his gaming on hold until then, but it had become his career and the last thing he needed was to lose that income. So he studied and streamed and forgot everything else. 

“You’re going to work yourself to death, Kenma-san,” Akaashi had told him as they met up for coffee. Kenma had felt bad for ignoring the stoic young man while he was there and had offered it. The hang out got him out of the house and he got to see one of the few people he considered his friend. 

“They’re over now. But it was a lot of studying,” he said softly, picking at the sugar packets he had put on the table. Akaashi watched him and then looked back up at him. 

“You’re nervous,” he stated blandly. Kenma frowned. Of course Akaashi would pick up on it. The young man was smart and could read someone just as well as Kenma himself could. He could feel Akaashi’s stare and that just made him more nervous. “Its about Kuroo-san, isn’t it?” Kenma glared up at him and Akaashi just continued to stare at him. 

“Why would you think that? I could just be nervous about something else,” he said. Akaashi raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh? Then why do you look like you’re ready to cry? It’s the same face you always get when you think about him,” he stated and then turned away. “I don’t understand. Why him?” Kenma frowned at that. Akaashi had always asked him that question and every time, Kenma had no words. 

“I don’t know. You can’t chose who you fall in love with. Why Koutarou?” he asked back. A small smile crossed Akaashi’s lips. 

“Do you want me to list all the reasons I love him right here and now?” he teased as he brought his cup to his lips. Kenma made a face and then rolled his eyes. Of course Akaashi would and Kenma had no doubt the man actually had a list as to why he had fallen in love with Bokuto. Gross. 

“I don’t know, Keiji. I really don’t know. Kuro isn’t bad, but-“ 

“But he hurt you,” Akaashi said in a stern voice. Kenma sighed. 

“We hurt each other. I keep telling you this,” he said. Akaashi set his cup down and gave Kenma a stern look. 

“I was the one that picked up those pieces after he left. You tried to quit volleyball, Kenma. I was the one to convince you to stay and take over being captain. I was the one to come over to your house to make sure that you were functioning since your parents were never around. It was me that… It doesn’t matter,” he said and then went back to his coffee. Kenma frowned at that, knowing what Akaashi was implying. 

“I’m still here, Keiji. It was you that made sure of that,” he said and then offered him a small smile. Akaashi had done a lot for him and he was grateful for it, but it had led to a great deal of resentment between Akaashi and Kuroo. Akaashi stared at him for a moment. 

“So what has you thinking about him now?” he asked. 

“Tooru said that he met you three at the bar the other night. I could tell that he was dancing around the subject at first, but I know that Kuro was there,” he said. Akaashi nodded. 

“Bokuto-san won’t do anything without Kuroo-san. It’s honestly frustrating. He thinks that it’s helping, but after Oikawa left the other night, Kuroo-san became even more insufferable than usual. I don’t think he’s come down from it yet and it’s been two weeks,” he said and Kenma caught the slight eye twitch. Kenma offered Akaashi a small smile. 

“I have a favor to ask of you,” he said softly. Akaashi glared at him at that. 

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I’m not going to like it,” he said. Kenma shrugged. 

“Maybe not,” he replied back, but continued. “I want to talk to him and I-“

“No. Absolutely not, Kenma-san. You know that this is going to end badly. And I… I can’t be here for you when it goes bad again. And Oikawa-san-“

“It’s not going to go bad. But I need to talk to him. Please, Keiji. You’re the only person that can help me,” Kenma said. Akaashi frowned at him and crossed his arms. He stared at him for a minute and Kenma knew that he wasn’t happy. Kenma knew that Akaashi had been put through a lot after the break-up, but he was ready to talk to Kuroo. 

“Fine. But if it goes bad, then you’re not going to fight with me on me staying. I’m not going to go through all of that again, Kenma-san. So you better hope it goes well or you’re stuck with me for awhile. You and Oikawa-san,” he said, staring at Kenma. He nodded. 

“Thank you, Keiji. Really. Thank you,” he said softly. Akaashi sighed and took one of Kenma’s hands in his. 

“You’re welcome. I’ll talk to him after we’re done here,” he said and then smiled. Kenma was glad that Akaashi was willing to help him. They finished their coffee and then they departed. Kenma was nervous to see what Kuroo would do and he had to dodge questions about his time with Akaashi from Oikawa. He was glad that he was friends with his roommate, but the other man was very pushy and irritating sometimes. 

“I’m so glad that you have friends other than me, Ken-chan. I was really starting to worry about you,” he said as Kenma buried himself in his videogames. Oikawa was laying on his own bed with an ice pack on his knee. He hadn’t really been running or doing anything, so it was worrying Kenma with how much he had to ice it lately. 

“I have Shouyo too. You just never want to see him with me because of his boyfriend,” he said. Oikawa made a face.

“I want nothing to do with Tobio-chan,” he said in his prissy voice. Kenma rolled his eyes. He didn’t ask much about what happened with Kageyama and Oikawa, but Kenma figured it was just Oikawa being… Oikawa. 

“Which is why you never get to see me hang out with anyone but you. Besides, I don’t like other people and I would much rather just stay here in our room. People concern me,” he said softly. Oikawa opened his mouth to say something, but closed it when there was a knock on the door.

“Did you invite someone over?” he asked. Kenma shook his head.

“No. I usually go out to them, remember?” he said. Oikawa frowned and then went to open the door. 

“Iwa-chan!” he said and then Kenma looked up. His tensed. Iwaizumi was there, but so was Kuroo. The other man hadn’t changed much from the last time Kenma had seen him. The longing for him didn’t go away and Kenma wanted nothing more than to kiss him senseless, but he couldn’t. They had a lot that they needed to talk about. Kuroo looked up and met Kenma’s eyes. 

“I came to see if you wanted to talk a walk with me,” Iwaizumi’s voice said. Oikawa looked over at Kenma, who waved him off. 

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Go with Hajime,” he said and then gave Oikawa a small smile. Oikawa still didn’t look convinced, but he did go and put his own shoes on. He joined Iwaizumi back at the door.

“If you need me, you call me, Ken-chan,” Oikawa said, looking at Kuroo. Kenma gave him a small smile. 

“Thank you. But I’ll be okay,” he said and then looked back at Kuroo, who was still looking at him. Oikawa shot Kuroo one more glare before leaving with Iwaizumi. When they were gone, the room went eerily quite. Kenma played with his hair for a moment and then looked up at the man in front of him. “Hello, Kuro. I think we should talk.”


	10. As You Turn Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi and Oikawa talk, which leads to the opposite result Oikawa wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the absence and the very short chapter. I'm a health worker and since our state has opened up, they've piled cases on like crazy. It's been an adjustment and I haven't been in the mindset to do more than just sleep. I promise I'll get back to a better posting schedule and that the next chapter will be longer. Just please bear with me.

Oikawa knew that he was being unreasonable. Kuroo wouldn’t hurt Kenma. If Kuroo was going to hurt Kenma, Iwaizumi wouldn’t be right here walking with him. He wouldn’t have insisted on going for a walk to leave the two alone. He was silent for a moment. Iwaizumi wasn’t really saying anything, which he didn’t like. The silence was starting to make him uncomfortable. They were best friends and they had dated for a year. Why was talking to him so hard all of a sudden? Oikawa knew that he needed to say something, to end this silence, but what could he really say?

“You’re thinking too hard over there. Don’t worry so much about Kuroo. He’s not a bad guy and he really adores the hell out of your roommate. They’ll be fine. Besides, it was your roommate that wanted to talk to him anyway,” Iwaizumi’s gruff voice stated. Oikawa looked over at Iwaizumi and then sighed. 

“You’re right. I’m just… worried about him. Seeing Kuroo after all this time might set him off and I’m just concerned as to how it will go,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Trust Kuroo. He knows Kenma probably better than you do,” Iwaizumi told him. Oikawa huffed, but then smiled. 

“How long do we need to kill time?” he asked. Iwaizumi shrugged. 

“I guess until one of them texts us and tells us to come back. Why? Trying to get rid of me already?” he asked, glancing at Oikawa. Oikawa raised an eyebrow at him. It wasn’t that he wanted to get rid of Iwaizumi. It was just weird walking with his ex boyfriend who used to be his best friend. What made it worse was that there was a lot they needed to talk about, but hadn’t. He was sure that Iwaizumi wouldn’t bring that conversation up either. 

“Of course not,” he said simply. After that, there was an awkward silence between them. “Iwa-chan… Maybe we should use this time to talk.” 

“Talk about what?” Iwaizumi asked. His voice had changed from easy-going to what was almost anger. So he had been just pushing that down. Oikawa had been sure he had been doing that. 

“You know what. You’ve been kind and haven’t brought it up. But now… now I think we need to talk about it,” he said. Iwaizumi straightened a little and stopped to look at Oikawa. 

“I don’t think I want to talk about it,” he said, crossing his arms. Oikawa opened his mouth to object, but Iwaizumi continued. “I’ve been better off thinking that maybe you left and never said anything to spare my feelings like you sometimes try to do. Or even that you might have just forgotten to tell me you were planning to stay here. I don’t want to hear your real reason as to why you ghosted me.” Oikawa flinched at the tone in Iwaizumi’s voice. He was angry and he had the right to be. He sighed. 

“You’re… partially right. But it wasn’t just your feelings I was trying to spare. I was trying to spare my own feelings as well as yours. But it backfired. For both of us,” he said. Iwaizumi gave him a bitter laugh. 

“I tried contacting you for an entire year, Tooru. I even asked your mother what the hell was going on with you. She didn’t have the answers for me either. I don’t even think she was playing it off either. I think that her son didn’t think to tell her anything just in case I started asking about him,” he said with a small bite to his words. 

“Her son thought that maybe everyone would be better off without him,” Oikawa snapped back. Iwaizumi scoffed. 

“Really? Since when has that ever been the case for me? I’ve been with you through everything, Tooru! Your injury, when the doctors told you that you had messed it up after the match against Karasuno! Everything! And you repay me by ghosting me,” he yelled. 

“I wanted you to live your own life without me! I was holding you back. You were going to turn down the chance you received joining the national team just to stay with me!” Oikawa yelled back. 

“Because I loved you! Of course I was going to stay. But then you pushed me so far away, I figured I might as well take it,” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa looked away from him. 

“And I loved you. That’s why I had to shut you out. I didn’t want you to live your life for me. So I pushed you away. You and everyone else. I knew that you would try to find some way to find me again and I didn’t want that for you. So I tried to move on,” he said. Iwaizumi shoved his hands in his pockets. 

“You should have talked to me. Not ghost me,” he said. 

“It’s not like I didn’t want to. But talking to you-“ 

“Meant that you had to actually grow up for once and act like an adult,” Iwaizumi snapped. Oikawa frowned at that and then glared up at him. 

“That’s not fair, Hajime. You know that’s not why,” he said. Iwaizumi stared at him. 

“I don’t know anything about you anymore. I stopped knowing who you were after the Karasuno match when you pushed me away,” he said. Oikawa clenched his jaw. Iwaizumi wasn’t wrong. He had pushed him away after the Karasuno match, but it didn’t mean that he liked hearing it. 

“Are you going to talk to me or just keep throwing back the mistakes I made and know I made back at me?” he asked in a snappy tone. 

“I think I’m going to finish this walk we’re taking in silence. You’ve done enough to me, Oikawa. I’m not reliving all this again. I’ve already had to get over you once. I’m not doing it again,” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa sucked in a breath but nodded. 

“Then I guess there’s nothing more else for us to talk about,” he said softly. Iwaizumi opened his mouth to reply, but didn’t. Instead, he turned and walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroken is next! Hopefully their talk ends better than IwaOi's did!


	11. Through the Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and Kenma have their own talk, which is years overdue

Kenma was silent for a little while after the initial statement of him and Kuroo needing to talk. There was a lot on his mind, but he wasn’t sure how to voice all of it. Part of him wished that Kuroo would say something instead of standing in the doorway looking like a deer in headlights. Still, he could tell that the other man was going to let him take the lead on this one and he was mainly just going to listen. Kenma picked at his sleeve. He had wanted this. He was the one that had asked Akaashi to bring Kuroo to him, but now he couldn’t even start the conversation. He looked back up at Kuroo and noticed that the other man was looking around his dorm room. He still looked nervous, but Kenma expected that. 

“I’m not going to yell at you,” he said softly, hoping that would soothe the other man’s fears a little bit. Kuroo gave him a small smile. 

“I would deserve it. You know that I would,” he replied. Kenma shook his head. 

“For what? You haven’t actually done anything,” he told him. Kuroo let out a small laugh. 

“Then why? Why not contact me all these years? Why wait until now to talk to me at all? We used to be best friends, Kenma. And then we broke up and I… I haven’t heard anything from you until now,” he said. Kenma raised an eyebrow at that. 

“It was a two-way street. You didn’t really contact me either,” he replied. Kuroo sighed and ran a hand through his already messy hair. 

“Because you broke up with me. I was trying to give you your space. I was trying to make it so that you didn’t think that I was pressuring you to talk to me. I know you and I know that me pushing could have sent you spiraling, and I didn’t want that. I still loved you, so why would I do something to upset you?” he asked. Kenma gave him a bitter laugh. 

“I wanted you to fight a little harder for me. I was scared about our entire future and I didn’t know what else to do, Kuro… I really thought that maybe you would reassure me and tell me that we would be okay in the long run. I thought that maybe me telling you all that when we broke up would cause you to see that I was scared about everything. But you… I just-“ 

“I just let you go,” Kuroo said softly. He sighed again and then turned to look at Kenma. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you were doing it because you were scared. I honestly thought that you didn’t want anything more to do with me. So, I didn’t fight you when you told me that you wanted to break up. I thought that was what you wanted.” 

“Honestly, Kuro. I don’t think that I even knew what I wanted at that moment,” Kenma said softly. He wasn’t lying. He did want Kuroo to fight for him, but he had also been terrified about them breaking up in the longer run and that had hurt him more than what he had done. Kuroo nodded. 

“So what now, Kenma? I’m sorry that I didn’t fight for you. I really thought that you wanted for me to just leave you alone and I did,” he said. Kenma thought that over. 

“We start over. That is if you want to. Maybe not a relationship. I don’t… We’ve both changed and I don’t think that we would work the same way that we did before. But we can try to go back to being friends again,” he suggested. Kuroo gave him a small, sad smile. 

“Is there no chance for us to get back together?” he asked. The question made Kenma’s heart hurt a little. He was sure that him and Kuroo wouldn’t be a good couple with how much he himself had changed since Kuroo had left. But it didn’t make it hurt any less that they couldn’t be together. He thought about it a little longer. 

“I won’t say that there is no chance for us to get back together. I just don’t think that we should start off together,” he told him. A little spark of hope flickered in Kuroo’s eyes and that alone made Kenma happy. Kuroo hadn’t stopped wanting to be with him. He had been told that, of course, but seeing that look in Kuroo’s eyes made him feel better. 

“What you’re telling me is I just have to sweep you off your feet again,” Kuroo said with a wide smile. Kenma couldn’t stop the small smile that crossed his face at that statement. He rolled his eyes, but that smile didn’t fade. Instead, he hid his face behind his hair so that Kuroo wouldn’t see it. He was sure that it was already too late, but the other man didn’t say anything, which he was grateful for. 

“That’s stupid. You didn’t sweep me off my feet the first time,” he told him. Kuroo laughed and it was that stupid hyena laugh that Kenma secretly adored. That meant that they were okay. Or at least that they were going to be okay. 

“Then I’ll sweep you off your feet this time. Just wait. I have a few tricks up my sleeve,” he said and then winked. It felt nice just joking with Kuroo like this again. He was definitely going to miss the other stuff that had come with dating Kuroo, but just being able to joke around was nice. It seemed normal and that was more of what Kenma wanted at this point.

“Whatever. Now you’re just being embarrassing,” Kenma told him. Kuroo’s grin sent those old butterflies going and Kenma couldn’t stop them, even though he didn’t want to still feel this way for him. 

“Sure, sure. You’re the one that gave me the hope. So, you’re just going to have to deal with it for a while,” Kuroo teased. Then he got a more serious look on his face and his smile softened a little. “But really, Kenma, thank you for at least letting me be your friend again. Sure, I have Bokuto and Iwaizumi now, but they were never you. It was like there was a piece of me that was missing without you at least being where I could text you. There were just so many times I wanted to text you. Like my first game with the team, my first win, talking about Iwaizumi and Bokuto when they did something. There was just so much that I wanted you for and I couldn’t.” At the end, Kenma could see where Kuroo had been affecting heavily by not having him around. 

“I get that. When I first came to this school, I wanted to text you. I have Shouyo, Keiji, and Tooru, but there was just something about you that I missed. I knew that you could ease all my fears… But when I pulled my phone out, I very quickly remembered that it wasn’t possible and it hurt,” Kenma told him. Kuroo gave him a soft smile and took a seat on the edge of Oikawa’s bed. 

“Then talk to me now. Tell me about this school of yours and I’ll tell you all about volleyball and my teammates. We can catch up and start learning each other again. I mean, if you want to, of course. I’m not going to force you to do anything that you don’t want to,” he said. Kenma stared at him for a moment and then nodded. 

“Okay. I would like that. I want to know what you’ve done on the volleyball team,” he told him. Kuroo’s smile grew wider and Kenma figured that everything would be okay now. He had been worried to talk to Kuroo about everything, but he shouldn’t have been. Kuroo had and he was sure, always would be the closest person to him, regardless of if they were dating or just friends. At his permission, Kuroo launched into a story about his first day on the Tokyo team, with Kenma making smart comments or just humming along to the story. Everything was back the way it should be and Kenma couldn’t have been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't take me as long to put this chapter out, even if it is still a little on the short side. I could have made it longer, but I felt like they both said their piece so I'm going to leave it at that. So Kuroken has had their talk and I couldn't make them end on the same terms as IwaOi. I'll work on getting the next chapter out as fast as I can, but we've been slammed at work the last few weeks so there is no promises. Thank you guys for sticking with me throughout all this!


End file.
